Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
