Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
