My nipple is on Facebook.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
