did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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