My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
