somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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