ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
