i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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