Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
