And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
