If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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