I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
