you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
