alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
