whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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