i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
