I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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