So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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