Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
