me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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