Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
