Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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