we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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