hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
