don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
