I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
