every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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