there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
