You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
