i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
