I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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