im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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