you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
