When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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