god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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