my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He shit in the fireplace
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
