Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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