I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
