I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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