mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
