dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
