the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
