I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
