I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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