today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
