I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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