doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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