While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
