Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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