Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
