i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
