I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
