I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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