Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
