thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
