I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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