Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
high people should be assigned attendants
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
