By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so let's talk penis.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
