i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
