Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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