I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
