I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
