Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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