I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
