If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Congratulations! We have a period
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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