Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
