She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
