I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
