Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
