it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
