yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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