The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
