Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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