i just had sex bonerless
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
