did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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