so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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