During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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