I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
