oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
